Revenge on the Porch Pirate A High-Purine Feast
Chapter 3
Once they finished, Mrs. Miller affectionately patted Kevin’s head. "My clever boy is so smart.
"Stella pretends to be so pure, but I saw right through her. Spending fifty, a hundred bucks on a single meal? She's definitely getting paid by men to do dirty things!
"Recording her is practically helping her find more clients! She might even end up thanking us and begging us to film more of her later!"
There were only two units on our floor. The camera I had installed was well-hidden, so they hadn't noticed it.
Seeing me as an easy mark, they stood right there in the hallway, spewing vile, disgusting slander about me.
When the video ended, my blood ran cold.
People could truly be this evil. The kindly old neighbor was nothing more than a predatory monster.
Fortunately, it wasn't too late. Let's see who breaks first!
Early the next morning, Mrs. Miller knocked on my door. The building lobby had already been decorated with Memorial Day banners.
Her face was plastered with a grandmotherly smile, holding a trendy bouquet of preserved flowers.
"Oh, Stella, dear, I feel so terrible. I promised to keep an eye on things for you, but your delivery still went missing.
"Didn't you say real flowers are too much work? Someone told me these preserved ones are all the rage. They stay fragrant and pretty for years. Take this as an apology from me."
If I hadn't seen the footage, I would have fallen for her act hook, line, and sinker.
Acting? Please, two can play that game.
I put on a face of pure delight and took the flowers.
"Oh my gosh! Thank you so much! I've wanted one of these forever, but they were always sold out! You're amazing, Mrs. Miller!
"I won't be shy then. Thank you so much!"
The preserved flowers were vibrant and lush, emitting a sweet fragrance.
All I was thinking, though, was: Now where did you hide the camera in this one?
Back inside, not wanting to tip them off, I placed the bouquet right on the dining table. Heh. You want a show? I'll give you a mukbang so good you'll drool yourselves to death.
While planning my next moves, I thought through the best way to get revenge.
My life motto: never let a villain get away with it.
A creep and an old hag like this deserved to rot in prison. That was the only acceptable ending.
But before that, I was going to have some fun with them.
I was going to make sure they learned what it felt like to kick an iron wall.
As I was eating in front of the flowers, a loud commotion erupted outside in the hallway.
I tiptoed to the door and peeked out through the peephole.
The bloated Kevin was pointing violently at Mrs. Miller's face, screaming:
"You useless old hag! You can't even cook a decent meal! What good are you?
"If it weren't for you killing my parents, would I be stuck living like this? If you're going to keep being worthless, get the fuck out! I don't house freeloaders!"
Screaming, Kevin slammed his door shut.
Mrs. Miller sobbed pitifully on the floor. If I didn't know the truth, I would have felt deeply sorry for an elderly woman being abused like that by her grandson, and I probably would have invited her inside for comfort.
Then she would have pushed her luck, formed a closer bond, and found it even easier to plant more devices in my apartment.
While sobbing, Mrs. Miller kept sneaking glances toward my door.
Nice sob story. They knew I was home because of the camera in the flower bouquet, so they staged this whole performance.
Sitting on the floor, wailing, she slapped her thighs dramatically. "Why haven't I died yet? Why am I still alive?!
"Lord, just take me now!
"I only did it for your own good! The doctor said your uric acid is through the roof and told you not to eat those things!"
To make the performance believable, she let slip some of her real frustrations with Kevin.
I sneered and stepped back from the door.
"Don't worry, old lady. Karma's lightning bolt is already on its way."
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