Chapter 2

I went to Family Day at the school anyway.

I just wanted to know how much of Chloe's heart still had room for me.

That morning I packed her lunch like always, laid out her clothes by the bed, set her favorite barrette next to her backpack.

When she saw me dressed and picking up my purse, she visibly panicked.

"Mom, you're coming too?"

I bent down and tied my shoe.

"Of course. It's Family Day."

She didn't say anything else.

The whole drive she kept her head down, picking at her backpack strap.

At the classroom door, I finally understood what she'd been worried about.

Daniel was already there.

So was Rachel.

She was holding a container of cut fruit, laughing at something Daniel said.

The second I got close, he lowered his voice.

"Claire. This is a school. Don't start."

I looked at him.

"I came to my daughter's event, and you assume I'm here to fight?"

He reached out and drew Chloe in against him.

"You're here, fine. Just let her get through today."

"Her mother showing up ruins her day?"

Daniel didn't answer.

When the parent-child activity started, Chloe had already pulled Rachel over to a table.

Daniel sat on her other side.

All three chairs were taken.

The teacher was busy handing out supplies. I didn't flag her down to ask for a seat. I dragged a chair over from against the wall and sat down.

First activity of the day: frosting and decorating cupcakes.

Chloe sat between them, laughing.

Rachel kept praising her.

"That star looks gorgeous right there."

"You're doing amazing, sweetheart."

Daniel rolled up her sleeves, steadied the piping bag, patiently showed her how to pipe a ring of frosting.

I sat a few feet away and watched them.

I used to picture a scene exactly like this.

The three of us making something together. Taking pictures.

Now it all existed.

Except the person sitting next to him and Chloe wasn't me.

Next, the kids took turns presenting their family trees.

Chloe carried a big sheet of posterboard up to the front of the room, branches drawn across it in marker.

First she stuck on her own photo.

Then Daniel.

The third one was Rachel.

I wasn't on it.

The classroom went quiet for a moment.

The teacher glanced at the board, then at me, and asked gently:

"Chloe, would you like to tell us about the people who matter most to you?"

Chloe nodded and pointed at Rachel's photo.

"That's Rachel. She knows what kind of cake is my favorite, and she knows I'm scared of thunder. She takes me to the park too."

My nails dug deeper and deeper into my palm.

When she was two, a thunderclap woke her and she couldn't stop crying. I was the one who held her on the couch until the sun came up.

After that, every time it stormed, she'd haul her blanket over and burrow into me.

And now she was standing up there telling a room full of people that Rachel knew she was scared of thunder. That Rachel was the one who mattered most.

When it came time for photos, I walked over anyway.

All I wanted was to stand next to my daughter and be in one picture with her.

But the moment I got close, the smile dropped off Chloe's face.

She shifted toward Rachel and looked up at Daniel.

"Dad, can we stand like we did before?"

Rachel made a show of stepping aside.

"Here, let your mom stand next to you. I'll go on the end."

Daniel looked at me.

"She finally stopped being nervous today. Stand off to the side for now, we'll talk after."

I looked back at him and didn't move for a long moment.

In the end I went and stood on the far edge.

Like somebody they'd pulled in off the street to fill out the frame.

Afterward I saw a smear of frosting at the corner of Chloe's mouth and reached up to wipe it without thinking.

She jerked her head away.

"Mom, can you *stop* doing that?"

My hand froze in the air.

I knew she wasn't talking about the frosting.

She didn't want me around.

She turned her back and took the napkin Rachel handed her.

At the end, the teacher gave every kid a medal.

Chloe got hers and didn't come find me.

She ran into Rachel's arms and held it up for her to see.

"Look! Didn't I do so good?"

Rachel hugged her, beaming.

"Of course you did. You were amazing today."

Daniel stood next to them, smiling too.

I stood out in the hallway watching the three of them, and I suddenly felt like the one who didn't belong.

I turned to leave. And Chloe's voice came from behind me.

"Mom!"

I stopped.

And for just that second, hope flickered to life in me again.

She ran over, clutching the medal, tucking it against her chest, and said, all seriousness:

"Dad's teaching me to ride a bike this weekend. Don't come, okay?"