Chapter 2

I wait for him to take it back.

Ryan pulls out a chair instead.

"Sit down. We need to be adults about this."

"I just found out the woman I'm supposed to operate on is your mistress. Don't tell me to calm down."

"I didn't ask them to call you."

"But now that I'm here?"

He looks toward the door.

"Now I'm asking you to help."

I stay standing.

"You could have left me."

"I didn't want to leave you."

"You just wanted to get another woman pregnant."

"I wanted a family."

The words come easily. He's used them before.

When his mother cried at his cousin's baby shower.

When he refused another appointment.

When I asked whether he'd consider seeing someone to talk about the diagnosis.

Seven years ago, we sat in a specialist's office while a doctor explained that both his samples contained no sperm.

Azoospermia.

Ryan asked whether the lab had made a mistake.

The doctor explained the possible causes, the tests Ryan needed, and our options.

In the car, Ryan tore up the appointment card.

"Don't tell my mother."

I promised I wouldn't.

At first, I told Diane we were still figuring things out.

Then she began asking what was wrong with me.

Ryan never corrected her.

Neither did I.

I thought giving him time would help.

Instead, I spent years making appointments he canceled. My mentor found specialists willing to see him. I saved their numbers, forwarded their emails, offered to go with him.

He told me to stop treating him like a patient.

Now he stands in front of me, asking me to treat his mistress.

"I stayed," he says. "All those years, I stayed."

"And you think that earns you this?"

Before he can answer, the door opens.

Diane comes in carrying a pale blue gift bag.

"There you are. Chloe said—"

She sees me.

Her eyes move from my face to my scrubs.

"Well. At least you're useful in a crisis."

"Mom," Ryan says.

"What? We should be grateful someone finally knows what they're doing."

I glance at the bag. Tiny socks stick out through the tissue paper.

Diane follows my gaze and lifts her chin.

"My grandson needs you. Whatever you're feeling can wait."

"You knew about them."

"Of course I knew."

Ryan looks away.

I remember Christmas dinner. Diane asking whether I planned to spend another year delivering everyone else's children.

He sat beside me and kept eating.

Had she already bought the socks?

"He's thirty-five, Audrey," she says. "How long did you expect him to wait?"

"For what? Permission to cheat?"

"For a child."

"Mom, please."

"No. She's had seven years. Chloe's giving him something she never could."

I look at Ryan.

"Tell her."

His jaw tightens.

"This isn't the time."

"You let her say this to me for seven years. Tell her why we went to that specialist."

Diane snorts.

"We all know why."

"No," I say. "You don't."

Ryan reaches for the door.

I step aside so he can leave if he wants.

He doesn't.

"His tests found no sperm," I tell her. "Twice. The doctor recommended further testing. Ryan refused."

Diane's smile disappears.

"That is disgusting. Making something like that up now?"

"Ask him."

"Those tests were years ago." Ryan says.

"You remember them, then."

"Obviously they were wrong."

He points toward Chloe's room.

"What more proof do you need?"

I stare at him.

He actually believes it. A pregnancy has given him the answer he wanted, and he hasn't asked another question.

Diane folds her arms.

"There. You've embarrassed yourself enough."

Ryan steps closer.

"You need to accept that there's nothing wrong with me."

I meet his eyes.

"Then take another test."