Chapter 2

Ryan glances at me several times after we leave the hospital.

I lean against the window and say nothing.

He turns up the heat, then reaches over and touches the back of my hand.

“You’re freezing. Did making the soup wear you out?”

I pull my hand away.

His hand hangs there for a second before returning to the wheel.

“We’re not going home yet. I’ll take you to dinner.”

“Okay.”

“Italian? Sushi? There’s a new bistro downtown.”

“Whatever.”

His patience starts to slip.

“You always say whatever. Then if I pick the wrong place, you don’t eat. How am I supposed to guess what you want?”

I stare out the window.

The words leave my mouth before I can stop them.

“Take me wherever you usually take other women.”

Ryan slams on the brakes.

My seat belt catches late, and my forehead hits the glove compartment.

For a second, everything goes dark.

Ryan unbuckles immediately and grabs my face.

“Where did you hit? Let me see.”

His thumb brushes the red mark on my forehead.

I turn away.

His hand drops.

Concern hardens into anger.

“Claire, how many times do I have to tell you? I am not cheating on you.”

Cars behind us start honking.

He pulls back into traffic.

“When are you finally going to believe me?”

I turn toward the window.

A tear slips down my cheek.

He doesn’t see it.

A few minutes later, he drives into a shopping center and parks.

His voice softens again.

“There’s a place here you’ll like. Good food. Great soup.”

Lily mentioned this place once.

She was lying across my couch, grinning as she told me she had found a new favorite restaurant and promised to bring me next time.

I wonder if Ryan was the one who brought her.

His phone lights up before we get out.

No name.

Just a small blue cloud icon.

I barely get a look before he flips the phone facedown.

“Client call. I’ll take it outside.”

He gets out and walks far enough away that I can’t hear him clearly.

Through the windshield, I watch the tension leave his face.

Then he straightens.

“Seriously?”

Even from inside the car, I hear the excitement in his voice.

The call ends fast.

Ryan comes back smiling.

The second he opens the door, he forces the smile away.

“One of my biggest clients wants to sign tonight. I have to go.”

I look at him.

“If I asked you to stay?”

He pauses and then takes out his phone and transfers me some money.

“Don’t start.”

“Eat something. Buy whatever you want.”

“If you get tired, call the driver. I’ll probably be home late.”

I want to say something.

I don’t.

I just watch him shut the door and walk away without looking back.

Inside the shopping center, I move with the crowd until I stop in front of a small gift shop.

A tarot deck sits in the window.

Lily and I used to play with tarot cards when we were younger.

Once, we both pulled the same love card.

She laughed so hard she nearly fell off the bed.

“Claire, what if we fall for the same guy one day?”

I shoved my card into her hand.

“Then you tell me.”

“Men come and go. You’re my best friend. If you want him, I’ll walk away.”

I meant it.

That’s the worst part.

If Lily had told me she loved Ryan, I would have left.

I would have hated it.

I would have cried.

But I would have left.

Instead, they lied.

For three years.

I take out my phone and open Lily’s chat.

My thumb hovers over the screen.

I could ask her why.

I could ask how long.

I could ask if she ever laughed at me while helping me search for a woman who was standing right beside me.

The screen goes dark.

I wake it again.

Then lock it.

Again.

Finally, I put the phone back in my bag.

I crouch beside the display window and cover my face.

The tears come so hard I can barely breathe.

I told her I would walk away.

So why did they have to lie?

Why did they let me tear myself apart for three years?

Why did they let me believe I was crazy?

That hurts more than the affair.

Maybe more than losing either of them.