Chapter 3

The path was covered in thin ice that cracked under every step.

I pushed Lily's wheelchair down the gravel road.

Every time my knees bent, the old wounds opened up again. Three years of prostrations. The wounds healed and broke and healed again. My skin wasn't normal anymore.

Kael walked behind me. Two steps back.

He sent someone to bring me knee pads.

"Take it easy. I didn't tell you to crawl while you push."

Someone called out from behind. "Kael's going soft. I'd make her crawl."

Kael glanced back at him. "Punishment isn't torture. It's to make her remember what she did."

Remember what I did?

I heard that for three years. And I was sick of it.

At the bend in the path, the wind got stronger. I leaned down and pushed.

"That jacket of yours. The fabric's pretty thick." Lily suddenly chimed in. She didn't turn around. "How many times did your brother sell blood to afford it?"

My steps stopped.

Her voice was casual. "Is that even worth one pair of my shoes?"

I stopped pushing.

For a second, I thought about reaching for her throat — but my fingers were cramping so badly I couldn't even grip the wheelchair handles.

"What's wrong?" Kael walked up.

Lily's eyes went red. Her voice went soft and weak. "Kael, I was just trying to make Zoe feel better. But I guess I said the wrong thing. Now she's mad at me..."

Kael looked at both of us. Then—calm and steady—he said it.

"Zoe. Apologize to Lily."

Apologize to her. For what?

The words stuck in my throat. Not because I couldn't say them. Because saying them never worked.

For three years, every time Lily stabbed me first then played victim in front of Kael, the ending was the same.

I was always the one apologizing.

I gripped the handles of the wheelchair.

Think of the children in the orphanage. I told myself quietly.

Then I lowered my head. "I'm sorry."

Lily tilted her head. "Sorry, Zoe. The wind's loud. I didn't catch that."

"I'm sorry!"

Lily smiled. Satisfied. Like she'd been waiting a long time for me to break.

Once, she had nothing. Not even a decent coat. I gave her my clothes. My connections. My time.

Now, her favorite thing was watching me apologize on my knees.

She tucked her blanket tighter and said, soft and sweet, "See, Zoe? If you had just behaved, this would've been so much easier."

The heirs behind us were already talking. Saying I must still love Kael. Why else would I listen?

Was that it? Did I still love him? After all of this?

I pushed the wheelchair forward two steps. And I asked—

"Kael."

"Yeah."

"All those times I apologized... did you ever actually hear me once?"

The wind howled. He didn't answer.

"Forget it," I said. "It doesn't matter."

I kept pushing.

At four in the afternoon, the sky went dark fast.

Once the sun went down on the plateau, the temperature dropped toward forty below.

I pushed Lily back to the camp and stopped at her tent.

She turned her head to look at me. Her mouth opened.

But Kael spoke first.

He stood at the tent opening. Still looking down at me.

"Zoe."

His eyes went over my frozen blue hands. My scabbed knees. Like he was giving me one last piece of patience.

"Stop being difficult. Do what I say and I'll stop looking into what happened with Lily. And you won't have to worry about your brother's medical bills anymore."

My fingers curled tight.

He thought I was giving in. His voice got softer.

"I'll send someone to the hospital. Best doctors. Best medicine. Overseas treatment too. I'll arrange it."

"But you have to stop upsetting Lily."

The wind scraped my throat raw. I could almost taste blood.

He said it so easily.

He didn't know Ryan didn't need doctors or medicine anymore.

Lily tugged his sleeve from her wheelchair. "Kael. I'm cold. Let's go inside."

The tent flap fell closed.

I stood there. The wind cut through my throat like a dull knife.

My phone buzzed in my pocket.

The funeral home.

"Ms. Ray. Your brother Ryan's ashes are ready for pickup. He asked that they be given to you personally. He said he owes you a trip home."

The call ended.

I looked out at the snow.

Ryan. Wait for me. I'm coming to get you.